Benson’s Bespoke Barcodes

By Ben Hunter

EXT. Markets

In a West End/Milton market type arrangement. But not in the food bit. In the arts and crafts bit. People are in their little polyester huts, selling knick knacks and smallgoods. Some of them are carving at some wood or something in the back of their gazebo.

We see BENSON in his stall, a calm silhouette sketching away on a notebook. People are generally ignoring him. DAVID, an older man is walking through stalls, and curiosity gets the better of him, he decides to have a nosey around BENSON’s stall. DAVID is eating a plate of small Dutch pancakes. Poffertjes.

BENSON looks up at DAVID from his book, then looks back down before speaking.

BENSON
How’s it going?

DAVID
Yeah not bad.

A pause. DAVID steps back and properly reads the sign on the top of the stall. “BENSON’S BESPOKE BARCODES” He is bemused.

DAVID
So that makes you Benson then, hey?

BENSON
Yep.

DAVID
What are you working on?

BENSON
Just some new ones. Want a look?

BENSON turns his notebook to show it to DAVID. There are five drawn barcodes on his page in random spots.

DAVID
Wow.

BENSON
Not a bad morning’s yakka.

DAVID and BENSON interrupt each other.

DAVID
It took you all morning to do these?

BENSON
And it’s just me working on these you know.

A beat.

DAVID
Yeah righto good on you then-

DAVID moves to leave, but BENSON begins telling his origin story, and

DAVID is too polite to leave. BENSON takes his glasses off and holds

them in his hand as he speaks

BENSON

As a boy I was like any other kid. I was into all kinds of goods and products, I liked them. Weet-Bix, Mortein, undies, boys undies, jam. All kinds of stuff. But there was something interesting I noticed. They all had this interesting little stripy rectangle on them. I ask my daddy. I say daddy, what are these? On the Weet-Bix and the Mortein, what’s the little rectangle? He says those are barcodes. All goods have them and all products have them, they help you identify the products. That’s when it all changed.

DAVID
Yeah right. Okay.

BENSON
Had a go at some of my own. And no one likes a bloke
who goes around sucking his own cock but I was
something of a natural.

DAVID
Haha

BENSON
Not that I haven’t worked bloody hard though!
You think this just happens!?

BENSON gestures to his stall.

DAVID
You know the computer does these too hey?

BENSON
Yeah I mean you COULD do that. And pardon my
French but listen here cunt. These are ARTISANAL.
They are BESPOKE. You wouldn’t go to Donna’s Bread Shed
and go “oh Donna, why would I buy this bread, Donna?
When the computer can just code the bread for me?

DAVID
(under breath) I wasn’t saying that.

BENSON
Yeah mate the computer can do heaps of stuff.
But people can too. And these things take time.

DAVID
Sure.

BENSON
Are you interested mate? Couple of these have been
hanging around a while and keen to get ‘em
out there. Could cut you a deal?

DAVID
Oh nah I was more just having a look arou-

BENSON
How about three for $400.

DAVID
$400?!

BENSON
I know. I’ve lost my bloody marbles!
Agree before I stop feeling so generous.

DAVID
How much are they normally?

BENSON
$150 each. So three for 400 is like $75 or $80 off.

DAVID
One hundred and fifty!

DAVID says nothing for a bit. He is bewildered by the staggering price of the barcodes.

DAVID
Feels steep.

BENSON
Handcrafted mate!

DAVID
Not for me mate. If I’m honest I don’t see who in
their right mind is spending one hundred and fifty-

DAVID is interrupted as PHOEBE approaches the stall. PHOEBE is classy as. In her 40’s, she is a super savvy business mogul. She is in a suit, and is wearing sunglasses. Maybe the Robocop-type jawns with just one lens that wraps around.

BENSON
Phoebe! (to DAVID) Sorry mate one sec.
(to PHOEBE) The usual?

PHOEBE
Give me an extra 200, Christmas rush.

BENSON
I was worried I wasn’t gonna see you this week!
I’ve got your usualthousand ready to go here, and I
can have the extras for Wednesday?

PHOEBE
I need them for Tuesday, Benson.

BENSON
It’ll be tough Phoebe.

PHOEBE
Benson. I need you here brother. You’re the best in the game.

DAVID is in disbelief while he watches this negotiation
take place.

BENSON is thinking.

PHOEBE
How long have I been coming here every week?
Or I mean I could always go to Pete...

BENSON
Tuesday it is.

BENSON pulls out his Square Reader, and DAVID gets a glimpse of the number $180,000. PHOEBE taps her card. BENSON hands her an envelope.

PHOEBE walks away.

DAVID
Who was that?

BENSON
Phoebe. Bitch. She owns Campbell’s. DAVID turns
around to look at Phoebe as she walks.

DAVID
Phoebe. Like the soups

DAVID turns back around and his plate of pancakes is empty.

DAVID
What the-

DAVID looks at BENSON, whose mouth is bursting with pancakes. He’s got icing sugar everywhere. He’s about to cry because his mouth is so full. He nods.

BENSON
(muffled) Yeah, the soups.

END.